Post-Alone

Days continue to pass at different rates. In unfamiliar places, I give myself much permission to slack off from regular tasks. Some of these tasks give me structure and benefit in themselves, but I discard them, pretending they're more difficult than they're worth. One of those tasks was creating another post.

I want to reflect on the time I spent at Fishcamp this winter. My life has been a blitz since I left Uyak Bay, a happy mess of people and places, all tangled in my mind. Where I sweat now in a foreign city of 10+ million people is the Antithesis to the lonely mystique I sought for years and experienced for months in Alaska this winter. 

From maybe the age of 17, I've claimed every year to have completed my journey of growing up. I felt at that age like I had figured out who I was in a rounded way. I feel more grown-up now than ever. I’m not doing anything that makes me feel so adult. I’ve still never had a traditional 9-5 job. But the variety of mental endurances I’ve faced this year have been unique. In each place I've remained myself, maybe because I finally have a conception of myself that exists separate from relationships or activities. 

Fishcamp was the space I needed to gain confidence in an uncertain existence. This happened pretty unintentionally. You realize quickly that if you want to have a good experience in solitude (or anywhere), attitude is everything. Perspective has forced my attitude to shift in ways I wouldn't have thought possible several years ago. The mind is an incredible force, and the route to regulation and self-realization has more peaks and valleys ahead I hope. To summarize, I'm grateful for the experience of life. I believe I’ve found some contentment in what we have here. 

I’m going to be reminiscing on frozen mornings for some time. I need to log some of the small moments of being there. Waking up with a warm body and a frozen face. Starting a fire before getting dressed. The jolt of watching a squirrel look at me through the window. Wondering when all our eggs will go bad. Walking to the studio in mud, snow, and frozen ground. Propane fume headaches. Stumbling over deer in the dark. Accidentally letting my ramen cool off too much. Trying to keep the house warm. Getting water from the well. Feeling warm in 50 degrees after my cold plunge.

Grief also exists because the things I've found perspective and contentment in are being threatened. While living at Fishcamp this winter, I found myself more connected to American politics than ever before. I would probably only read through one or two articles a day, but with an increasingly politicized Instagram feed and regular YouTube talk shows, I had never-ending hits of extremist dopamine.

PLEASE STOP READING HERE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR MY THOUGHTS ON THE STATE OF THINGS.

I care about my relationships with people so much more than my politics. And unless you are a multi billionaire then i’m sure we can be friends regardless of what you believe.

This mug is called THIRST. It broke.

My narrow assessment will mostly be about the wealth inequality gap. More people are concerned about this issue than ever. Unfortunately, they are mostly aware and concerned only as it relates to affordability. Intergenerational class consciousness seems as fraught as ever. It seems those with the most time to read these headlines aren't affected by the reality of the headlines. Older Americans lament the state of our union. Wow… I just remembered how unique the latest state of the union address was…. Yet they continue to place blame on the upbringing of the latest generation instead of the exploitation of everybody's time and resources for corporate gain. We no longer share the same reality. Realities were once divided by purely class or race. Now the most wealthy generation in history is being duped by the simplest AI videos. Their bullshit detectors are so out of touch with generative AI that their reality is leaving the harbor. How can we expect their support when they are being boarded onto microcosms so thoroughly false that they cannot even see the capitalist schemes behind their imprisonment? They are stranded at sea. Culture wars remain the heart of their issues. They see a video of litter boxes being put in schools and believe my generation is equal parts animal and human. We at least can see that we are on the ship. We know our addiction is divisive, exploitive, and vile. We know it harms our well-being. Unfortunately, we need the support of wealthy Americans if we have any chance of redistributing quality of life. If we have any hope of taking on these corporations, it must be through the financial backing of the boomer generation. 

The task before us is to overcome wealth inequality through a democratic system rigged by wealth inequality. The frustration of election campaign funding has been hugely controversial at different times. We continue to do nothing about it. We require the vote of the rich and formerly obese(Ozempic shoutout) to make any changes because they are the ones who buy influence through those aforementioned exploitative media corporations. We need a cap on election spending that isn't evaded by like 8 different methods. The funding cap should be standardized so that each candidate is working with the same budget to gain a voter base. Imagine a political system that prioritized the quality of ideas and character. Two republicans I know from South Carolina talk lovingly about stump speeches (particularly those around the 1860s… hmm). While I don't share any of their strange nostalgia for this period, the idea of stump speeches feels like it could be beneficial today. Not in some bullshit “what is a woman” or “Fuck Charlie Kirk” way, but in a way that reintegrates political honesty and questions from audiences. The Right has done well to appear informed in these rigged formats that claim to discuss politics. Their real purpose has been to pour gasoline on culture wars across the country. They managed to associate the whole left with radical morals. The humor here is that politics has no morals. We know that now more than ever. Our president can threaten genocide. There are no morals. Let's stop pretending there are. “Oh I didn't know he was going to raise our gas prices”. “I thought he was a real man, he plays lots of golf just like me”. “I don't like him as a person, but he knows how to make a deal, or I thought he did. Is the war in Ukraine still happening”? I hope that something will encourage voters to do more research before they vote for their next president. 

I just hope that no one will ever allow bullshit moralistic arguments to determine their voting because both parties are just strawmanning the other. They don't hold morals; they inform policies, and if you don't know which policies each party would have the power to implement should they win the presidential election, then maybe don't vote. It's harder now than ever to know what a president can and cannot do because Trump has violated the Constitution since the first day of his presidency. He has dismantled the checks and balances of our government to such an extent that it may not be repairable unless we have mature people willing to relinquish the power of the presidential post in the future. We might be able to find those people more easily if they made stump speeches, clear objectives.

Here is a photo of me with two of my cute nephews to lighten the mood a little bit.

I think our objective moving forward, regardless of political affiliation, should be to talk about the wealth inequality gap and make efforts to use our dollar to support a better system. I have little hope that any political party will break up mega corporations, but if we can avoid giving them our time and money, then it’s a victory. Yeah… That's my short rant. I think I needed to get that out. I could talk about so so so many more things, but I think that's enough. If you read this whole thing, thank you. Really, the idea that anyone reads this is very beautiful to me. This felt like a very honest post about some things I really care about. 

It’s difficult to know how to intake so much media and process it in a way that is healthy. This felt really healthy for me to write about. None of my words are novel, but sometimes you just need to say something I think. I hope that whether you're stressed out by our moment in time or not, you can find healthy strategies to intake and discern media.

More than anything else, I hope we can hold onto our humanity which is threatened in many ways I didn’t talk about. Okay, now for navigating foreign countries…